Freeloaders: the Musical
Currently running.
Bradley Moonkill
Bradley Moonkill
Music & Lyrics by
Doctor Texan
Lyssa Starsmith, Lorraine Braveheart
Freeloaders is a new musical with a book by Bradley Moonkill, music and lyrics by Doctor Texan and choreography by Medhue Simoni, it opened at the Braveheart Theatre, Valais Court, Fugmoor.


The show follows the life of Yu Bo Ling, a seemingly normal girl living in the city of New Quiero Dinero, featuring music and lyrics by Doctor Texan, and a book by Bradley Moonkill, choreography by Medhue Simoni and light design by Beatrix Faith

The show opened in July 2014 at the Braveheart Theatre, after a highly successful weekend performance at the Black Box Theatre, Edtech.

On the 24th of November 2014, it was announced that the show will close for a week-long period before re-opening with a revamped set, rewritten story, and a new finale song. On the same day, it was announced that Lyssa Starsmith would be replaced in the role of Yu Bo Ling, newcomer Loren Braveheart will play the role from the 31st of November onwards.

Plot Edit

Prologue Edit

In the foyer of the Grand Hotel, New Quiero Dinero, an auction of guests' lost and found items is underway, item 68 is purchased by an older Tiffany Taffy, and is a single Ugg boot. Item 69 is a broken half of what appears to be a flying saucer, which the auctioneer explains is all that remains of room 808, which had vanished ten years prior. As the auctioneer tells his story, the saucer reassembles itself and takes its place above the audience, taking the hotel back to its former glory. ("Overture")

Act 1 Edit

Ten years earlier, Tiffany Taffy, now young, enters the foyer, a posse of hipsters in tow. She rudely demands a room for her and her friends. ("Like, Literally, No."), Yu Bo Ling, a young girl of asian descent, sees this and takes note, as Tiffany and her friends are assigned to room 807.

Later, in room 807, Tiffany and her friends plan their protest of the local nuclear power plant. ("What Do We Want?"), but are interrupted by an earthquake and a dozen blinding lights in the sky outside.

In the foyer, the guests demand to know what's happening ("What the Shit Was That?"), although Yu Bo Ling sits in her usual chair, unfazed. A hotel worker takes note of this and begins to harass her, demanding to know what she wants, though she stays silent. Losing his temper, the worker raises his hand to strike the girl, but a blinding light envelopes the room, as it clears, the hotel worker has vanished. 

The guests are ushered back to their rooms. Alone in the foyer, Yu Bo Ling speaks for the first time. (reprise of "Like, Literally, No.")

A week later, it is the day of Tiffany Taffy's protest at the nuclear plant, her friends picket the entrance, chanting. Yu Bo Ling shows up, watching from the distance.

A bystander strikes up a conversation with Yu Bo Ling, voicing his disgust towards the "hipster scum", wishing that they could be wiped out completely. Yu Bo Ling stays silent, though fascinated. ("Look At This Mess")

As the police arrive to shut down the protest, Tiffany strikes an officer with her Ugg boot, leading the protestors to break up and seperate, the police giving chase. Yu Bo Ling, watching from a distance, once again uses her powers to round up the protestors and move them all into the police van.

Later, in the police station, the protestors sing about their crime. ("Jail Cell Salsa").

Tiffany, now hiding in room 807, inspects her one remaining boot, thinking of her friends. She remembers her previous protests and anarchistic endeavours. ("Society's a Sham")

Hearing this from across the hall, Yu Bo Ling looks back at the previous week's events, concentrating.

Suddenly, room 808 is filled with a brilliant blue light as an inhuman voice speaks from above. ("Mothership's SOS")

Yu Bo Ling, answering the distress call, orders the mothership to evacuate, explaining that the planet is under attack by a threat too dangerous to face; hipsters. She decides to dedicate the rest of her life to single-handedly wiping the "hipster race" from the planet. ("Defying Originality")

Act 2 Edit

Six months later, Yu Bo Ling descends from the skies, laser pistols dual-wielded, killing dozens upon dozens of hipsters ("Death From Above"). During this, we learn that Yu Bo Ling has become a cautionary tale, similar to the bogeyman, but like, for hipsters?

"College clock bells ring, spring break tattoos sting."

"Pumpkin spice taints the air, black-rimmed glasses, half-shaved hair."

"What's that light the cold winds bring? Run and hide, it's Yu Bo Ling."

We re-join the last of the hipsters, hidden deep in the catacombs beneath New Quinero Dinero, they sing about what their lives have come to, living in secret in the filth of the city ("Look Down, No, More Down")

Meanwhile, in the foyer of the Grand Hotel, Tiffany has disguised herself as a conformist, and has been working as a receptionist for the last six months, feeding the hipsters information about Yu Bo Ling's whereabouts. ("Tiffany No More")

Digging through the hotel's history, Tiffany discovers that room 808, the room Yu Bo Ling rented, is not on the floorplan, deducing that this must be her ship, she sets out to investigate.

As Tiffany rifles through the disguised spaceship, she comes across a video message from the mothership, explaining that Yu Bo Ling is to leave Earth immediately, or the entire planet faces incineration. (reprise of "Mothership's SOS")

Tiffany, overwhelmed and helpless to save her planet, looks back at the life she's lived ("Freeloaders"), but is interrupted by the returning Yu Bo Ling, who at first doesn't recognise Tiffany, but upon closer inspection, the alien girl notices the faint pastel ombre highlights Tiffany desperately tries to hide.

Ready to attack, Yu Bo Ling raises her gun, but refuses to shoot, confused by Tiffany's hipster hair and conformist outfit. (Yu Bo Ling's reprise of "Freeloaders")

During the standoff between the two women, the countdown to earth's incineration begins. Tiffany desperately pleads with the alien girl to leave in peace, touched by the girl's humanity, Yu Bo Ling lowers her weapon, finally recognising that hipsters are not, in fact, a different species to humans.

Overcome with guilt, Yu Bo Ling begins to take off, but not before the hipster rebellion's last attack. Yu Bo Ling's ship is shot out of the air as she flees, killing her and destroying room 808 for good.

Ascending to her bizarre alien afterlife, Yu Bo Ling reflects on humanity, confident in one thing, she messed up real bad. ("Do Not Un-Remember Me", song later replaced by "Wasted Time" after November 2014)

Current Cast Edit

Lead Roles Edit

Yu Bo Ling - Loren Braveheart

Tiffany Taffy - Queen Sharktooth

Alien Leader - Fox Medier (Pre-Recorded video)

Response Edit

Awards and nominations Edit

Critical reception Edit

Commercial reception Edit

Controversies Edit

Controversy arose when it was revealed Tiffany "TiffTaff" Taffy, of YouTube fame, had used her subscribers to win a contest during production of Freeloaders, the contest allowed one fan the chance to have a lead character named after him or herself. Responding to the allegations on Twitter, Taffy claimed: "Rumors. #notcool"

Similar controversy arose when, during the first preview performance, audiences sat in the designated "splatter zone" were not warned that they would actively have to dodge corpses during the act 2 opening number "Death From Above".